(#23) / I Kissed Dating Goodbye / by Joshua Harris / (Book)

Opening

Bibliographic Information:

I Kissed Dating Goodbye / by Joshua Harris

ISBN-13: 978-1590521359 / Multnomah Books

p. 238 / $7.23 (Amazon)

1997

Body of Content

Summary: Harris pens a relational book – against the backdrop of secular trends – and offers in its place, a call to traditional courtship.  Harris is attempting to offer something different from cultural one-night-stands – contra the proverbial “hookups”.  In its place – and written with a young, Christian audience in mind – Harris etches out a biblical response to dating.  The book outlines a return to more conservative dating protocols – like group dating – and greater involvement of friends and (particularly) parents in the courtship process.  I Kissed Dating Goodbye attempts to hold purity and holiness as the virtues worth pursuing – over other intentions (and vices) like lust and selfishness.  The book does not call for a cessation from dating – as much as it informs readers the other possibilities that exist while waiting for the right person – such as pursing vocational and educational dreams – and other goals and ministries attached to self-actualization.

Critique: Harris wrote the book as a 21-year-old student.  At some level, other authors – with more counseling and life experiences – could/should write works dealing with relationships.  The book piggybacked on other Christian philosophical movements like Rebecca St. James’ True Love Waits and many of the educational “abstinence” programs started under President Bush.  Harris is not attempting to offer a solution across worldviews – but a very pointed message towards a Christian audience – mostly at the junior/senior levels of high school and early college as well.

While the call for purity – and a focus on God – is an important consideration for a Christian audience – it seems that Harris’ approach is a little too idealistic.  He recommends that Christians not only forgo sexual relations before marriage – but also forgo kissing before the wedding night.  His call for heavier parental involvement is also idealistic – as it assumes that each side of the courtship has two sets of parents who are mature adults themselves.  With geographical differences (parents living away from children) along with marital status (issue of divorced, separated, remarried parents), many young Christians may not want their parents involved in their relationships – particularly in the early stages.

While many of Harris’ recommendations come from a well-intentioned position, many advice points are simplistic and non-practical.  While Harris’ advice may affirm some young people’s purity, it may also encourage social shyness, embodied in the pun True Love Waits Too Long.  Harris’ thoughts may prove difficult to implement – and overall, they do not necessarily offer the Christian response to postmodern dating relationships.  Following Harris’ advice may keep teens from getting pregnant, but it also might keep them from getting married.     

Teaser: “If dating got in the way of personal identity – would you still date?”

Information about the Author: Harris comes from American (Alabama roots) and Japanese lineage.  He works as a full-time pastor.  Born in Dayton, Ohio, Harris and family moved to Gresham, Oregon early in his life.  Now 36 years old, Harris wrote for a magazine as a 17-year-old teen.  The magazine aimed at homeschooled teenagers – and Harris, himself, was homeschooled. Now married, with three children, Harris continues to speak and write on issues within pastoral theology (Harris, 2011).

His works include many dating/relationships books aimed at Christian singles.  Besides I Kissed Dating Goodbye – which sold around a million copies – Harris other books include Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello to Courtship (2000), Not Even a Hint (2003), Stop Dating the Church! (2004), Dug Down Deep (2010) (Wikipedia, 2011).    

Supplemental Material

Genre: Christian Literature / Self-Help

Curriculum Ties: Health and Science – sexual education, dating, relationships

Booktalking Ideas: 1) Is waiting to kiss your spouse until after marriage a practical possibility? 2) How young is too young to offer dating advice to others?    

Reading Level: The book offers pro-abstinence views of human sexuality – advice more easily adapted by teens than adults.  The book covers anyone of dating age – notably 15-19.

Challenge Issues and Defense: While the book does not contain traditional objectionable material, its overall tone and stance (from a more conservative and Christian background) could make this a challengeable book – if placed in a public school library.  A librarian’s best defense of the book is to have this book among a diversity of books on the same topic – and in that way, I Kissed Dating Goodbye would not monopolize the library, but stand as one of many sources on the topic (i.e. defense by the principle of “coverage”).

Personal Reasons for Inclusion: While I support some of the book’s viewpoints, I also challenge some of its implications.

Last Thoughts

References:

Harris, J. (2011). Bio [Webpage]. Retrieved from http://www.joshharris.com/bio.php

Wikipedia. (2011). Joshua Harris [Webpage]. Retrieved from

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joshua_Harris

Listening to (Music):

Artist – Paramore / Album – “Riot!”